IF ONLY...MOM

Tomorrow...March 5...is my mom’s birthday. Almost hard to believe…she would be 101 years old.

If only…I had a chance to see her once more…and give her the hug that I never gave her as a teenager…and give her a kiss that a mother deserves from her son.

Mom was only 59 years old when she died.  I was 18…a young…immature…18.

Now…I’m…59 years old…older in years…older in maturity (some might debate this subject!!)…more appreciative of my family…a better listener of my elders (whom I love to have tell me stories of ‘back when’)…and now more aware that…I…am becoming…one of the elders in the family.

If only…I could listen to mom…and hear her story…one that I never listened to as her young son. I would love the opportunity to hear it now…as an older son. I didn’t know I needed to listen then…I was just a teen…all wrapped up in my own sad story (well, I thought it was sad then). Why would I want to ask my mom how she was? What could she tell me about her life as a teenager? What had she learned as she grew older? Why would I want to ask such a thing?

If only…

I had a chance to do that with my dad…to listen. I was in my 30s when he died…at least a little wiser than I was as a teen. I was able to show dad a little more respect and appreciation. I was able to tell dad I loved him…and know that he loved me.

I was able to do that with my older sister too…to listen…and share. I was 40 when I lost her…a little more wiser still. She knew that I loved her…and I knew how much she loved me.

I was able to do that with my brother who died last year too…to listen…and laugh...and love. I am approaching 60…even wiser still than before. We both knew of the love for each other…and said so…to one another.

If only…I could have done that with mom.

But mom is okay with it…it’s me that’s not.

It’s me…that thinks back on that bratty teenager…the one who just wasn’t aware of what’s important in life…the one who had to grow older to find that appreciation. But that’s life isn’t it? That’s the kind of things we find out as we grow older…finding the things that are…really… important…the simple things…like a hug…a kiss…and a kind word.

I didn’t know that then.

I know that now.

But if only…

Dan

MY BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY...AND MY '3D' WISH

 Tomorrow, January 20, is my big brother’s birthday. Durward would be 80 tomorrow. How I wish he was around so I could celebrate this special birthday with him. I have not seen Durward in 43 years …as he was lost in an auto accident that many years ago. Durward was a wise big brother, a very intelligent, loving son, brother, husband and dad.

I was just a teen when I lost him…a little too immature to know of Durward’s wisdom and counsel… a little oblivious of the ways of the world…and not yet realizing the value of a loving family. I had a loving family…I just didn’t know it…and appreciate it…like I do today.

As I think about tomorrow…and Durward…I also can’t help but think of our brother… David…who I lost last spring to lung cancer. Last month… December… was Dave’s birthday. My heart hurt a little on that day…as I truly missed not having the opportunity to call Dave and wish him a happy birthday…and hear his voice…and hear him laugh.

Having just celebrated my own birthday a few weeks ago… how I would treasure having gotten a call from both brothers and hear them wish me a happy birthday.

As I think more about the three of us boys…the 3 D’s…my mind wanders…trying to conjure up in my memory banks…if I have ever seen a photograph of the 3 of us boys…together. I’ve got pictures of Dave and me…and Dave and Durward…but I have no photo of the 3 of us. I wonder if one exists? I wonder if somewhere…pushed back into the back of an old desk drawer…or in a box of old pictures on a closet shelf…if someone in the family…or old friend of the family … doesn’t have a picture of the 3 of us?

If it exists…I’d love to have a copy of it. It would be placed in a special frame…and hang in a special place in my home…so I could see it every day as I walked by…and smile.

Until I find it...Happy Birthday Durward.

Dan

A DOG'S PURPOSE

‘A Dog’s Purpose’, by W.Bruce Cameron. This is the title of a book that Cindy had written on her Christmas wish list that she wanted to read. I talked to Santa about it and he apparently dropped it off and put it in her stocking in the late hours of Christmas Eve/Christmas morning.

Over the following few days after Christmas, Cindy read one of her other books Santa brought and then read ‘A Dog’s Purpose’…then passed it on to me to read. I asked her if she liked it and she said ‘yes’. I asked her if it was sad and had it made her cry and she said…”Not a lot…but some. It was very interesting. I’ll be interested to see what you think of it.” She went on to say the book is written from the perspective of… ‘the dog’.

Over the following few days…while I was finishing the first book that Cindy read…and after Cindy read A Dog’s Purpose…Cindy got very interested in some new puppies that were born to someone through her work. Having lost our dog Zoe this past fall, we both notice it has been different around the house since Zoe left. We still think of Zoe often and miss her being around. I think Cindy is ready for another dog to come into the family...but to be honest…I just am not interested in having another dog. (see prior blog articles I wrote in August).

Now…fast forward a few weeks…and my heart has softened. Mainly because I have finally gotten to, and finished, the book Cindy asked Santa to bring. I have read…A Dog’s Purpose.

If you are a dog owner…or a dog lover…or someone who recalls younger years when a very important dog was a part of your life…I would encourage you to read the book. So as not to play the role of ‘spoiler’…I will not give any details besides those that Cindy gave me…that the book is written from the perspective of… ‘the dog’.

A Dog’s Purpose is very intriguing…it is a story you have not thought of…it has moments of hilarity, and… as with any good book… it leaves you…‘thinking’…at the end.

My thoughts of... ‘not being interested in having another dog’…have softened a little…now that I have read the book. There seems to be a little voice sitting on one shoulder reminding me of all the challenges and occasional frustrations that come with having a dog in the house. But on the other shoulder…is a voice reminding me of the fun times and enjoyment that we had with our black lab Layla and golden retriever Zoe over the last 20 years that they were with us.

Which voice I’m going to pay the most attention to…is yet to be determined. I know for sure, that I better not go see those new pups that Cindy was talking about recently…because I know that God made puppies cute for one reason…so we would take one home!

Whatever the case of what happens at the Clark household… I encourage you to find and read a good, feel good book… A Dog’s Purpose.

You will smile a lot…nod your head a lot…laugh a lot…and shed a tear… as you recall the memories of years past…with you…and your dog.

Dan