Monday, March 4, 2013

IF ONLY...MOM


Tomorrow...March 5...is my mom’s birthday. Almost hard to believe…she would be 101 years old.

If only…I had a chance to see her once more…and give her the hug that I never gave her as a teenager…and give her a kiss that a mother deserves from her son.

Mom was only 59 years old when she died.  I was 18…a young…immature…18.

Now…I’m…59 years old…older in years…older in maturity (some might debate this subject!!)…more appreciative of my family…a better listener of my elders (whom I love to have tell me stories of ‘back when’)…and now more aware that…I…am becoming…one of the elders in the family.

If only…I could listen to mom…and hear her story…one that I never listened to as her young son. I would love the opportunity to hear it now…as an older son. I didn’t know I needed to listen then…I was just a teen…all wrapped up in my own sad story (well, I thought it was sad then). Why would I want to ask my mom how she was? What could she tell me about her life as a teenager? What had she learned as she grew older? Why would I want to ask such a thing?

If only

I had a chance to do that with my dad…to listen. I was in my 30s when he died…at least a little wiser than I was as a teen. I was able to show dad a little more respect and appreciation. I was able to tell dad I loved him…and know that he loved me.

I was able to do that with my older sister too…to listen…and share. I was 40 when I lost her…a little more wiser still. She knew that I loved her…and I knew how much she loved me.

I was able to do that with my brother who died last year too…to listen…and laugh...and love. I am approaching 60…even wiser still than before. We both knew of the love for each other…and said so…to one another.

If only…I could have done that with mom.

But mom is okay with it…it’s me that’s not.

It’s me…that thinks back on that bratty teenager…the one who just wasn’t aware of what’s important in life…the one who had to grow older to find that appreciation. But that’s life isn’t it? That’s the kind of things we find out as we grow older…finding the things that are…really… important…the simple things…like a hug…a kiss…and a kind word.

I didn’t know that then.
I know that now.

But if only


Dan

1 comment:

  1. She was a precious lady, like the rest of us she had struggles which she did not always win. My most accurate memories of her were when she moved to GA to help my lovely aunt Jeanie with her wonderful daughters.
    Isn't it true that we grow in appreciation for our family, especially those who are our elders.

    ReplyDelete