Girls
50 years ago today, my mom died. I had just turned 18
years old, in another 6 weeks mom would have turned 60. I made a selfish decision
a few days before her death that I have thought about for 50 years.
Cindy and I
had had our first date just the week before, on January 15th. Before heading home after our date, I asked Cindy if she’d like to go out again the
next weekend, on January 21st, and she said, “sure.”
A few days
after that first date, dad said Jean had called him to say my mom was in her
last days. (She had been diagnosed with advancing breast cancer and it was
taking its’ toll quickly.) Dad told me he was going to fly to Atlanta to be
with mom and Jean and asked if I wanted to go. Two things quickly popped into
my head. One, if I went, I would not be able to go on my date with Cindy, which
I really wanted to do. Two, I didn’t want to remember mom as how I was going to
see her in her last days. I told dad I did not want to go. (I had done the same
thing when my brother Durward was killed in a car accident a few years earlier.
In some private family time prior to his funeral, we were going to be allowed to
open the casket to see Durward. Afterwards, his funeral was going to be a
closed casket ceremony at dads’ request. Dad, mom, Joan and Jean asked me if I
wanted to go to the funeral home with them and I said I didn’t want to remember
Durward that way so I did not go with them to the viewing.)
Dad flew to Atlanta
without me and by the time he arrived, mom was incoherent and likely didn’t know
if anyone was there with her or not. At least, that’s what I have told myself
for 50 years. And that’s the part I have struggled with…did she know I wasn’t
there? The fact was, I wasn’t there.
Instead, on January 21st, I
went on my scheduled date with Cindy. I didn’t say anything to her about mom until
I took her home when I said, “it may be a few days before I see you again….my
mom died today.” I have never asked her what she thought of me after she had a
chance to let that comment sink in. Did she think…what kind of guy would go out
on a date the night his mother died? She had not met my dad yet and I had not
talked about him or mom before that night.
The next day dad and I headed to
Owensville to start the process of putting mom to rest over the following few
days. When I returned home a few days later, I quickly had a new impression of your
mom.
Even though we had dated less than 2 weeks, we had been friends for over 5
years. Cindy and I had been classmates in school since the start of 7th
grade. We were in EVERY class together in 7th and 8th
grade, along with about 25 other kids. Because of that, that group of kids became
very close friends, spending every school hour together for 2 years. As we
moved on to high school, we were no longer always in the same classes but that
group of kids continued our close friendship. I was dating other girls and your
mom was dating other boys, but we were still friends. Then in January of senior
year we started dating each other. And after only our second date, and returning
home from Owensville, Cindy had sealed our relationship, in my mind. For when I
got home, there was a card stuck under the windshield wiper of my car. It was a
sympathy card from Cindy to me. As I read the card, I immediately said to myself…this is the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life
with. I had never had that feeling about any girl before.
Decisions.
I made a
decision to not go see my mom in her last days. Your mom made a decision to
leave me a sympathy card for the loss of my momma. I made a decision that I
wanted to be with her from that day forward. And I have been.
Decisions.
We
make a lot of them, some good, some not so good. All of them are a part of
shaping our lives. Some of them change your life, forever.
REMEMBER: Love one
another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.
Be talkin’ to ya.
Dad
Dad
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