KARMA - TV

I’m not much of a TV watcher anymore…there are very few shows and movies that hold my interest. I bet our radio is on and playing oldies more than the TV is on. I have decided there IS a TV show that I would watch…faithfully…and I think lots of other folks would too…so I think I’ll create my own TV show. I’m going to name it KARMA-TV. 

The show’s format it going to be about KARMA catching up with people who make me upset. Here’s some examples of the shows we’ll have. 

As you likely know from a previous blog, I get angry with people who don’t use turn signals. So on one week’s episode of KARMA-TV…there will be cameras installed at or near all intersections. When a driver doesn’t use his or her signal as they turn at an intersection, the camera will have the ability to kill the power to their car battery. The car will slowly coast to a stop and will sit there for 5 minutes before the camera will switch the power back on to their battery. During those 5 minutes, we’ll be able to watch them cuss and throw hissy fits and kick their tires and listen to bypassing motorists honk and yell and make gestures at them for messing up the traffic flow with their stalled car in the middle of the lane. I will be glued to my TV every week laughing and pointing my finger at the screen and yelling…”serves you right…jerk.” 

The next weeks’ episode will take place at all grocery and department stores. Cameras are already installed overhead at the checkout counters so we’ll be able to watch the action. Here’s the scenario…when the customer has had all their merchandise scanned and the cashier is telling them how much they need to pay…if that customer reaches for their checkbook to start writing a check…the cashier will push a little button on their register, a trap door will open up and the customer will fall into a hole in the floor and be flushed out into the parking lot. I’m going to be in my chair watching and laughing and yelling at the TV saying…”It’s 2021 people…lose the checkbook!” 

Other future episodes would include telemarketers…when they get home at night after a long day of calling and hassling innocent people…the telemarketers’ phone will continually ring…all night long…they will try to turn it off but the phone will ring anyway…they won’t be able to get a minute of sleep all night…they will be non-productive at work the next day and the boss will fire them…and I will laugh at my TV screen until I pee my pants. 

More episodes will include those morons who have their bass boom speakers turned up so loud in their cars that your house windows rattle when they drive by. Karma will have the ability to gradually turn their speaker volume up to 11…12…13…14…15 until the windows blow out on their cars and their speakers are nothing but a pile of melted, smoking plastic. Oh, I will joyously laugh and laugh. 

Yet one more episode will be about those professional football players who feel they have to do their little dance routine for the fans after every play they make…”look at me, I just made a tackle…I just ran for a first down…I just scored a touchdown.” Hey moron…that’s your job…you get paid handsomely…some of you millions of dollars to make those plays…shut the hell up and get back in the huddle and do it again. Do you think every nurse does a big dance down the hall of the hospital saying…”I just gave a shot to the guy in room 6”…or the teacher says…”woo hoo…I just gave the kids a spelling test?” No you goof ball…that’s their job…that’s what they are paid to do…that’s what they love to do. So KARMA-TV will deduct one days’ pay from that football player for every little prank they pull…and that pay will be deposited in a designated nurse or teacher account. Let’s see you dance that off…you jerk. I will gut-laugh every time I see it happen and yell at my TV saying…"CHA-CHING…a teacher and a nurse just got a pay raise!" 

Maybe you have some ideas to add to KARMA-TVs list of shows. What frustrates you? What episode do you wanna see next week?

REMEMBER: 

When angry, count to four. When very angry, curse. – Mark Twain  

Be talkin’ to ya.
Dan

Self-Storage Units

Going to my softball game today on the west side of town (we play at an indoor facility in the winter), I saw a new Self-Storage Unit has opened at the intersection where I turn. When Cindy and I were out yesterday we drove by the old Toys-R-Us store on the southeast side of town and saw they are refurbishing it. The rumor mill has it that it too will become a storage unit building. 

We live on the south side of town and within a 1-minute drive to the south and north of us, there are Self-Storage units. I’m spit-balling here, but I’d guess there are 15 such businesses within our city…downtown, north, south, east and west. 

If I go down to our basement, I see that Cindy and I have our own self-storage unit down there. We were sure that the girls would want their dolls and games and baby blankets and pictures that they grew up with when they got older…so we saved that stuff for them…lots of it. 

The short answer to the question do they want that stuff, is…NO! 

It’s all interesting to them and it brings back fond memories when we talk about it or when they see it…but they don’t want to be burdened with having it at their houses. So it just comes down to the fact that Cindy and I have too much stuff that we need to start getting rid of. And apparently, based on the fact that there are so many storage units in our city…places that you have to pay money for them to keep your stuff…we ALL have too much crap. 

Well for us, that’s gonna stop. We’re gonna start getting rid of that stuff. It’s gonna be a lot of hard work but it’ll be nice when it’s done. I think we’ll start on that tomorrow…or maybe next week.

REMEMBER: 

Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.

Be talkin’ to ya. 

Dan

The Beatles Part 2

The LEGO building continues. 

If you missed one of my prior articles, my kids got me a Beatles LEGO set for my birthday. I finished the John Lennon photo (look at prior blog) and today I post one of Paul McCartney. 

The slow part of the process was taking the 3000 Lego pieces off the board from John’s picture, a job which took several hours over 2 days. Putting them back on for Paul’s seemed to go a little faster. 

Cindy and I saw Paul in concert back in the '90s (nearly 30 years ago). It was a wonderful concert with a chance to see and hear him play and sing many of the Beatle tunes we grew up with. I felt a little nostalgic at times...my mind going back to those early years of hearing those songs. He played many Beatle’s hits as well as some songs from his post-Beatle years. He spoke fondly of his Beatle mates and played a song dedicated to John with whom he wrote many of those great Beatle hits. 

Cindy and I had an opportunity to see Paul again in 2019 but chose not to go. It was about a 3 hour drive on a weeknight and the tickets were about $1500, but those weren’t the reason I didn’t want to go. I was afraid after 30 years, his voice wouldn’t be as good as when we saw him that first time (those were the stories I was reading from those who had attended his recent concerts), and I just didn’t want to be disappointed. I didn't want to spoil our memories of that wonderful time we had before. 

Silly thinking probably...and if I had another opportunity...I might chance it.

REMEMBER: 

Don’t let someone change who you are, to become what they need. Live so that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell.

Be talkin' to ya.

Dan

Chick-Fil-A and Hercules

Every few weeks we have to have our Chick-Fil-A fix at our house. They seem to have the best chicken sandwich among the fast food restaurants in our opinion. 

For those of you who have never been to a Chick-Fil-A, their system is pretty amazing…not just the sandwich, but the service they offer. If you happen to pull up to a Chick-Fil-A and see a long line of cars, don’t worry, you’ll be through the line and on your way before you know it. They have a system that speeds their customers through very quickly. 

Rather than driving to a box with a microphone to place your order, then drive to a window to pay and then another window to pick up your order…CFA has a different idea. 

When you pull into line, soon a person with an iPad in hand is going to walk up to your car window and ask you what you’d like to order. As you proceed through the line, another person will come to your car to get your money for your order. As you continue to proceed, someone will bring your order to your car and tell you thanks and have a nice day. It’s a pretty smooth business model. 

I read a tweet the other day that Cindy and I giggled at. With the recent challenges they seem to be having in getting the Covid-19 vaccine distributed and administered across the country, the tweeter suggested they turn the distribution over to the people at Chick-Fil-A. By using their system, every person that wants vaccinated would be taken care of in just the next few days. There may be some truth to that. 

On a personal side-note, when the person at Chick-Fil-A comes to my car window to ask my name for my order, I tell them Hercules, which always gets a giggle from the employee. Hey why not have a little fun? I mean, tonight when that employee gets home, they’re not going to remember much about their busy work day. They won’t remember how many Steve or Dave or Susans came through today, but they’ll remember they had a Hercules come through their line…and smile one more time.

REMEMBER:

Everything will work out exactly how and when it is supposed to, regardless of how and when you may want it to. Let your faith in the journey be stronger than your doubts and fears. Be patient with yourself and your growth, knowing that good things always take time. Give yourself time and space to try things and explore different paths. You will get there one day, so don’t forget to enjoy the journey too.

Be talkin' to ya.

Dan

No new BEATLE t-shirt this year

 It’s common knowledge in my family and among my friends that I’m a long-time Beatles fan. At one time I owned about 25 Beatles t-shirts, all gifts from Cindy or the kids for Father’s Day, Christmas or birthdays. Many of them now hang in the basement in my little Beatle memorabilia corner along with books, records and miscellaneous things I’ve gotten over the years. 

This year, rather than another t-shirt…my kids got me a Lego Beatles kit for my birthday. Imagine nearly 3000 small, circular Lego pieces about half the size of a dime, coming in 15 different colors, that when all put together in a pattern on an 18 inch x 18 inch Lego board, create an image of each Beatle. 

It took about 3 days for me to put together the John Lennon image and it looks pretty dang cool. The sucky part is that when I want to create images of Paul, George or Ringo, I have to undo all the pieces of the John image and then reposition them over another 3 hour session to create the new Beatle. I’ve told the kids I may wait a month before I tackle making the next Beatle and just enjoy the completed picture for awhile. Besides I need to let my arthritic fingers heal and my eyes to get uncrossed. 

REMEMBER:

I tell you, Larry, there is no other band, there will never be any band like them ever, for eternity. They are the best, I say to you Larry here in 1965, that the children of 2000 will be listening to the Beatles. And I sincerely mean that.—Brian Epstein

FYI: Brian Epstein was the Beatle manager and Larry was Larry Kane, an American journalist that traveled to every stop on the Beatles 1964 and 1965 tours of America. He is the author of multiple books including “Ticket to Ride” about his travels with the Beatles, and “When They Were Boys, the True Story of the Rise of the Beatles”.

In reality, the children in 2021 are still listening to the Beatles.

Be talkin' to ya.
Dan

BRICKHOUSE

I was driving to the bank recently when one of Cindy and my favorite songs came on the radio…Brickhouse, by the Commodores. 

Oh she’s a brick.....house 
She’s mighty mighty...just lettin’ it all hang out 

Oh she’s a brick.....house 

That lady’s stacked...that’s a fact...ain’t holdin' nothin' back 

Years ago one of Cindy’s friends served on a committee that held an annual benefit party and we were invited. Besides a great meal, they had a band for entertainment and the band did a great rendition of Brickhouse. I’m a terrible dancer (I got no rhythm) but even I got into the dancing and singing mood as the crowd partied to Brickhouse. 

Oh she’s a brick....house 

Well we’re together...everybody knows...this is how the story goes 

She knows she got everything...that a woman needs...to get a man 

How can she lose with the stuff she use 36-24-36 oh what a winning hand 

Cause she’s a brick....house. 

As I got closer to the bank, those words brick house kept playing in my head and I got to thinking about a term my dad occasionally used…”built like a brick shithouse”. I seem to recall him saying it when we would be in the car and pass a pretty lady walking down the sidewalk. Now don’t get me wrong, my dad was not a dirty-minded man, but he, like any man, appreciated the look of a pretty woman. As a kid, I didn’t understand what dad meant when he’d say “she’s built like a brick shithouse”, but as I got older, I figured it out. 

As I write this, I even googled the term and it’s actually listed in Wikipedia. It says those words are slang meaning either a man who is very muscular and strong or a woman who is very buxom and curvaceous. A shithouse is slang for exactly what you think it is…a toilet, or from my father’s era, an outhouse made of brick rather than wood. 

Now if I were to use the term brick shithouse in front of my grandkids, the only thing they’d pick up on was that papaw said a bad word, they would have no connection to it having to do with a well-built outhouse, just like I didn’t get it at that age either. 

I recall my granddad having an outhouse that we used out on his farm in southern Indiana…an old wooden 2-holer outhouse. (Never quite understood why you would want to sit there WITH someone). My kids know what an outhouse is, and maybe have used one but I doubt it. My grandkids probably wouldn’t know what an outhouse is if I asked them, let alone understand the term “built like a brick shithouse”. 

Dad had a number of terms he used when I was growing up and most of them would not mean a thing to kids these days...the times were just so vastly different. But for me…hearing those words brickhouse the other day brought back fond memories from times with Cindy….and times with dad.  

REMEMBER:
Know your worth. You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.

Be talkin' to ya.

Dan 

The FLAG

While at our grandsons basketball game recently, we all stood before the start of the game for the playing of the National Anthem. As I listened and looked at the flag…I got to thinking about the features of the flag…and how many times we all have looked at that flag over our lifetimes…and I wondered if we were all asked to describe those features without looking…how many of us would get them right. 

After all, it’s an icon that we see probably every day, but don’t always notice it. It was in our classrooms in every grade level of school…it likely flies in front of your workplace…many homes and businesses fly it out front…we stand for it at the beginning of every sporting event…but can you describe every part of the flag? Besides knowing it is “Red White and Blue”…with white stars…can you be more specific? 

For example, how many red and white stripes are there? Are they equal in number or are there more red stripes or white ones? Is the top stripe red…or white? And the bottom stripe? How many stars are on the flag…and how are they organized? Are there 5 rows of ten stars? Are there 7 rows of 7 stars with an extra star in the middle row? 

Got your answers? 

There are 13 stripes on the flag to represent the thirteen original colonies that became the first states of the United States of America. There are 7 red stripes and 6 white stripes, with the top and bottom stripes red. The blue rectangle is referred to as the union with 50 stars arranged in nine rows, with 5 rows of 6 stars (at the top and bottom) alternating with 4 rows of 5 stars. The 50 stars represent the 50 states of the United States. 

The current flag was adopted in 1960 and is the longest-used version of the U.S. flag, in use for over 60 years. There have been several stories of what the colors represent. Charles Thompson, the Secretary of the Continental Congress, gave symbolic meanings for the colors, with white signifying purity and innocence; red, hardiness and valor; and blue signifying vigilance, perseverance and justice. Other interpretations have included that red is for the blood of patriots, spilled in the fight to protect the country. 

My wife’s dad was as proud of that flag as any man I’ve known in my lifetime. For one of his birthdays shortly after we were married, Cindy’s brother and his wife, and Cindy & I bought him a flag and a 15 foot flagpole. We dug the hole poured in concrete and set it. Every day, he raised that flag in the morning…let it fly all day...and at dusk would lower it and take it into the house for the night. He proudly did this every day he was at the house until he became so ill that he could no longer get outside to do it. A veteran of WWII, he fought for that flag and was proud to wave it. 

Next time you’re looking at that flag, take time to notice the features and honor the men and women who have served it.

REMEMBER:

Be the reason someone believes in good people.

Be talkin' to ya.

Dan

Roundabouts

My recent blog on ‘Turn Signals’ prompted a response from a friend in Florida. She felt if turn signals were a problem for me, we probably wouldn't like the issues she has in her community...roundabouts.

We actually have quite a few roundabouts in our city too. I admit, it took a little bit of learning on my part to know how to use them but I eventually did and they are tolerable to use…what isn’t tolerable is the people who don’t know how to use them, and that’s probably what Brenda was implying about the roundabouts in her community. 

The idea behind the roundabout is two-fold as I understand them. 

First, they are felt to be safer than the usual 2-way or 4-way intersection. Often at 2-way intersections a car pulls out thinking that traffic to the left and right have to stop…and sometimes they don’t have to, and an accident is about to happen. Then there are those that run the stop sign either intentionally or accidentally. Accidents at those type intersections can be quite damaging to the vehicles and even fatal to drivers and passengers as the cars meet at 90 degree angles. In a roundabout, cars enter the intersection at a 45 degree angle so if there is an accident, they are more like glancing blows rather than direct hits. The damage to the vehicles is less and the risk of severe injury is lessened. 

The second advantage to the roundabout is traffic flow. If there is no oncoming traffic as you approach the roundabout, you simply proceed through the intersection without stopping, keeping the traffic flow moving. This also means less wear-and-tear on the automobile as you don’t have to bring it to a stop, and then restart. If there is oncoming traffic at the roundabout, the idea is to slow down and slowly enter either in front of or behind oncoming vehicles without stopping. 

If everyone does their part, it can work safely and efficiently. However, once again, the frustration lies in those who don’t know how to use the roundabout, those that will stop without any oncoming traffic or will stop when they could proceed between oncoming spaced vehicles. 

If people would just learn to use roundabouts…it’ll make life easier for them and others…and help lower my blood pressure.

REMEMBER:

Luck usually finds those that are the hardest workers.

Be talkin' to ya.

Dan