KARMA - TV

I’m not much of a TV watcher anymore…there are very few shows and movies that hold my interest. I bet our radio is on and playing oldies more than the TV is on. I have decided there IS a TV show that I would watch…faithfully…and I think lots of other folks would too…so I think I’ll create my own TV show. I’m going to name it KARMA-TV. 

The show’s format it going to be about KARMA catching up with people who make me upset. Here’s some examples of the shows we’ll have. 

As you likely know from a previous blog, I get angry with people who don’t use turn signals. So on one week’s episode of KARMA-TV…there will be cameras installed at or near all intersections. When a driver doesn’t use his or her signal as they turn at an intersection, the camera will have the ability to kill the power to their car battery. The car will slowly coast to a stop and will sit there for 5 minutes before the camera will switch the power back on to their battery. During those 5 minutes, we’ll be able to watch them cuss and throw hissy fits and kick their tires and listen to bypassing motorists honk and yell and make gestures at them for messing up the traffic flow with their stalled car in the middle of the lane. I will be glued to my TV every week laughing and pointing my finger at the screen and yelling…”serves you right…jerk.” 

The next weeks’ episode will take place at all grocery and department stores. Cameras are already installed overhead at the checkout counters so we’ll be able to watch the action. Here’s the scenario…when the customer has had all their merchandise scanned and the cashier is telling them how much they need to pay…if that customer reaches for their checkbook to start writing a check…the cashier will push a little button on their register, a trap door will open up and the customer will fall into a hole in the floor and be flushed out into the parking lot. I’m going to be in my chair watching and laughing and yelling at the TV saying…”It’s 2021 people…lose the checkbook!” 

Other future episodes would include telemarketers…when they get home at night after a long day of calling and hassling innocent people…the telemarketers’ phone will continually ring…all night long…they will try to turn it off but the phone will ring anyway…they won’t be able to get a minute of sleep all night…they will be non-productive at work the next day and the boss will fire them…and I will laugh at my TV screen until I pee my pants. 

More episodes will include those morons who have their bass boom speakers turned up so loud in their cars that your house windows rattle when they drive by. Karma will have the ability to gradually turn their speaker volume up to 11…12…13…14…15 until the windows blow out on their cars and their speakers are nothing but a pile of melted, smoking plastic. Oh, I will joyously laugh and laugh. 

Yet one more episode will be about those professional football players who feel they have to do their little dance routine for the fans after every play they make…”look at me, I just made a tackle…I just ran for a first down…I just scored a touchdown.” Hey moron…that’s your job…you get paid handsomely…some of you millions of dollars to make those plays…shut the hell up and get back in the huddle and do it again. Do you think every nurse does a big dance down the hall of the hospital saying…”I just gave a shot to the guy in room 6”…or the teacher says…”woo hoo…I just gave the kids a spelling test?” No you goof ball…that’s their job…that’s what they are paid to do…that’s what they love to do. So KARMA-TV will deduct one days’ pay from that football player for every little prank they pull…and that pay will be deposited in a designated nurse or teacher account. Let’s see you dance that off…you jerk. I will gut-laugh every time I see it happen and yell at my TV saying…"CHA-CHING…a teacher and a nurse just got a pay raise!" 

Maybe you have some ideas to add to KARMA-TVs list of shows. What frustrates you? What episode do you wanna see next week?

REMEMBER: 

When angry, count to four. When very angry, curse. – Mark Twain  

Be talkin’ to ya.
Dan