PARENTHOOD

One of my favorite movies is Parenthood. I think I enjoy it because it seems to portray a realistic look at the craziness that goes on in families. There are no ‘perfect’ families as some might try to promote. Everyone has problems and challenges they must get through. This movie makes me realize my life isn’t so different from others.

Made in the late 80s, the movie is about a dysfunctional family headed by Gil Buckman (played by Steve Martin). His own family consists of his ‘newly announced’ pregnant wife and their 3 children. Gil desires to be a good, active father, unlike his own father was. The seemingly abnormal actions of his 3 children, and the upcoming birth of a fourth makes Gil question his abilities as a father.

His siblings are no different. One sister is divorced, trying to raise a seemingly disturbed son and an intelligent daughter who is struggling through high school. Another sister wants more children while her husband feels that another child will take away from the devotion they need to give to their current child. Gil's youngest sibling is his brother (Larry) who has drifted through life trying to cash in on get-rich-quick schemes. Though he is the black sheep of the family, he is their father's favorite (mainly because he reminds him of himself at a younger age).

I particularly enjoy two scenes in the movie. In the first, Gil is telling his wife how he is frustrated with how his world, and thus hers, is falling apart…life is so ‘messy’ he says. Gil’s grandmother enters the picture having overheard the conversation. She says, “When I was 19, grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up-down-up-down. Oh, what a ride. It was always interesting to me that a ride could make me frightened…so scared…so sick…so excited and so thrilled…altogether. Some didn’t like it. Some went on the merry-go-round. It just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.” I like her comparison that the hecticness of life also makes life exciting and challenging. Who wants a boring life? It’s the challenges that make us stronger.

The second scene takes place as Gil is reluctantly leading team baseball practice for his son, Kevin. Gil’s dad (Frank) shows up and wants to speak to him. As they walk to the dugout to talk, Gil’s dad says, “I need your advice.” His father goes on to explain how Larry, Gil’s little brother, has financial troubles and Frank is wanting Gil’s advice on what he should do. When Gil asks why he’s asking for his advice, Frank says, “Because I know you think I was a shitty father.” Frank tells Gil of a painful memory still fresh in his mind. “I never should’ve had 4 (kids). When you were 2 years old, we thought you had polio. For a week we didn’t know. I hated you for that. I hated having to go through that caring…worrying…pain, it’s not for me. You know it’s not like that all ends when you’re 18 or 21 or 41 or 61. It never…ever ends. Like your aunt Edna’s ass! It goes on forever and it’s just as frightening! There is no endzone… you never cross the goal line and spike the ball and do your touchdown dance…never. I’m 64 and Larry’s 27…and he’s still my son. Like Kevin is your son. You don’t want them to get hurt."

As Frank walks away, seemingly answering his own questions that he’d come to get Gil’s advice for, Gil confesses, “hey who’s to say who’s a shitty father. My kids are a mess, my career’s in the shitter.” Frank walks back toward Gil and lovingly slaps him on the cheek and says, “You worry too much…you always did.”

The film ends on a sentimental note with a new generation of Buckman children being born to Gil and his 2 sisters and the personal growth of all the parents, including Frank, who is now raising the young boy left behind by Larry who left town on another search for a get-rich-quick scheme.

Life is good. It can sometimes seem too much, like riding that roller coaster, but we can adapt and make the best of our lives.

Everyone…let’s buckle in and go for a ride on that roller coaster.


Dan