WHY ?

All of us have varying levels of connections to our family members, our good friends and our acquaintances.

Some of our family, we are extremely close to. We share personal (sometimes very personal) information with, knowing that it is confidential and will go no further. Other family members, we love dearly, but there are some things we wouldn't share with them.

Our good friends are the same way. Some we are closer to than others. We are comfortable around them, enjoy our time with them, but we might hold our cards a little closer to our vests with some more than others.

Our acquaintances are generally a little different. We usually have a more "hi, how are you?" type relationship and not much more in depth to share. We likely know only superficial information about them. With some, we might not even know their last name, or even their first name. We recognize their face, but may not even have a name we can place with it.

That was my relationship with Patrick.

Until yesterday, I didn't know Patrick's full name...that he had a wife and children...where he lived...where he came from...none of it.

My only relationship with Patrick was that he and I worked at the hospital. The Radiology Department, for which we worked, is divided into sections. In one area, they take xrays. In another, they do MRIs. Yet another, ultrasounds. I work in the Nuclear Medicine section and Patrick worked in the CT section.

On occasion, we might share a patient who was having a Nuc Med procedure and a CT scan the same day, so we might contact the other by phone to coordinate how we might best care for the patient and not need them in my area at the same time he might need them in his.

On Monday morning, Patrick and I passed in the hall, making eye contact and a smile to one another, but not saying anything to each other. He was with a patient, taking them to CT to do their test. I was on my way back to my department after finishing one of my patients and showing them the way out of the hospital.

Wednesday morning, I heard news that made me wish I'd have taken the time to say something to Patrick two days before. Sometime Monday night or Tuesday morning...Patrick took his life.

Patrick leaves a family that includes a 4-year old daughter and a 9-month old son. It's hard for most of us to understand how someone can feel that things are 'so bad' that their only choice to end their problems, is to end their life. 'We' know it's not the only choice...but 'they' don't think so. They believe they are actually doing their loved ones a favor.

Could I have said something to, or done something for, Patrick that might have made a difference? Having that 'acquaintance' type relationship...probably not. He didn't know me well enough to share what was happening in his life.

Too many times we 'wish' our life away. On Monday we'll say, "I sure will be glad when Friday is here." For me, I wish I knew that Monday morning what I know now. I'd wish it was Monday again.


Dan